


This is The End

by softlyinthestreetlights



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014!Castiel, 2014!Dean, End!verse, Light Angst, M/M, dean is pretty much the worst person ever, def not a happy ending, druggie!cas, so forget that, so yeah mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1326028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyinthestreetlights/pseuds/softlyinthestreetlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's end!verse, which means it's time for Dean and Castiel to hit the road. Two short drabbles from the road and one painful last chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

It starts at a refugee camp, a fairly large one, and Dean says that they'll only stay one night before moving on and finding Sam. He's so dead set that if Sam could over come the influence of Lucifer once then he could do it again; so dead set on getting his brother back. He forgets that Castiel lost all of his brothers too.

But Cas finally gets Dean to slow down and rest before he goes out to join some other survivors around a bonfire. He takes another moment to marvel at how resilient humans are, how special life is. The next thing he knows the men are passing around what looks like a cigarette. He's heard that they can be terribly addicting but one puff can't really hurt. He doesn't want to be rude and when it gets around to him he smokes some. He's not prepared and coughs.

There's a collective laugh before he begins passing it around again.

It's only before they leave the next day, after a hearty breakfast of oatmeal, that he puts his hand in his pocket and discovers several more.


	2. Part 2

It’s surprising that even after the apocalypse drugs are still being passed around. Many more people are taking them, one form of escape is just the same as another.

They’re staying with a man somewhere deep in the wilderness. Dean is cooking and Castiel is designated look out. He’s always loved nature, the way leaves fall in autumn and regrow in the spring. Apple blossoms might just be his favorite. They attract lots of bees.

He’s making his way along the perimeter when he sees the boy leaning up against a tree. The man’s son is smoking. Cas has been running out. But once he wanders closer it’s apparent that he’s smoking a joint. The craving is so bad that he doesn’t even care, and is relived when he’s offered a hit.

—

Everything’s been off about Dean. The way Cas wakes up in the middle of the night and their tent is cold because Dean isn’t there to keep him warm. There have been some awkward moments but nothing Castiel wasn’t prepared for in the first place.

Maybe Dean thinks he’s too clingy, or maybe like Cas, he has his little secrets. There are only a handful of things it could be, but the way a couple nearby is breathing heavily he might as well not guess. He knows those lungs. He built them. He’s made them burn and he’s seen them heave. It hurts, and that’s not something he ever thought to prepare for at all.


	3. Part 3

Eventually they settle down. Having convinced Dean that Sam is gone and if Lucifer wants to see them, they’ll know about it. He’s started growing his own marijuana, a neat little field of it out behind the cabin that’s close enough to home as anything is ever going to get. Sometimes Dean says something about ‘missing the old Castiel’. The old Castiel was weak and naïve, having known the world without grace for a while it’s apparent that Dean used to take advantage of that. Still tries too.

It’s one night, a Thursday for how ironic the world has always decided to be. Rain is falling and somewhere that isn’t there lightning is making way for thunder. He can hear Dean before the knock on the door. Somewhere that happens to be right there you’re making way for him.

Dean is drenched. He is shaking. He is frigid to the touch. He looks so utterly lost, afraid, and in wonder that the night he met you first flashes back behind your eye lids. He tried to kill you, but right now he looks like he loves you. He’s always loved you. And he’s always hurt you. He is hurting you. You’re such a masochist that you keep hurting though. It’s because you’ve always loved him too.

“Cas, oh my God. I’m so sorry. Please just take me in, oh God Cas, please.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, just- Chuck oh God I’m such an idiot.” He’s got your face in an embrace with his palms and gasping at the breath that leaves your lips. It hits you again, just how beautiful his eyes are. _Say you love me and I’ll go anywhere with you._ “Please Cas, I need you.”

That’s not near close enough, but it’s the closest you’re ever going to get. It’s still not enough. And you have to pull away.

“What are you doing? Cas no, stop please.”

“I can’t Dean. I think you need to go now.” Does it kill you a little bit to see those beautiful eyes fall? Yes. Can you afford you let them shine? At your own expense, no.

“I know you too well, Dean. I can’t let you in.”

“Please don’t say that, not now. We got this far, didn’t we?” Desperation, loneliness, heart break. It’s all there. It’s all here. It’s all because of you.

“But we’ll never get any farther. I’m sorry. Please leave.” At your own expense you’re telling him to go. The man you’ve given up grace, family, and immortality for; and here you are forcing him out like he’s done too many times before. Are you better than him? Yes. Yes you are, and you can make him leave even if it’s the last thing you do because you’ve been through this before and you just can’t-

He leans his forehead against yours, stealing the breath from your lungs with those sharp edged lips. You could cut through feathers with those. You know you have. “No Cas. I love you.”

And there it is. How could you feel anything but happy? He’s finally said it. After all the sleeping around he did during your drifter days, after pulling him out of hell, after absolutely everything. So why do you feel so empty?

You let him push you against the bed, and he lets you push him into the mattress. Push and pull, like the tides against lull of the shore. It certainly feels amazing, and while it happens you can pretend that it’s more than it is. More than him sleeping around again, only this time it’s you. And oh no Father please, _this is the end close your eyes and count to ten._

He spends the night, and all that used to be left of him is gone in the morning. How could it be, you never had a chance at all?


End file.
